We’re back from Europe, and now my pooping schedule is off. I’ve been pondering this pretty obsessively, and I’ve come up with two possible reasons for the problem. First, considering that Budapest is nine hours ahead of Seattle, my bowels may be under the false impression that it is now 6pm, not 9am. Alternatively, my stomach [...]
I don’t think my mom likes my blog. I can’t imagine why, can you?
I guess it’s a little too foul, a little too raw, a little too honest. I guess it shocked her a little bit; it’s not exactly the kind of information you want to hear from your full-grown, well-behaved, married son.
On [...]
Monica and I met a lesbian in the New York Pizzeria in our neighborhood last week.* Actually, Monica met her at the bar, and I showed up just in time to make sure the little chat steered clear of any hanky-panky talk.** Somehow, the conversation turned to the ridiculously-fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants, five-week-long Eastern Europe trip on which [...]
Perfect. That’s what I thought after finally navigating through the McMansion outskirts and arriving in downtown Bend, Oregon. Too perfect. So perfect, it’s creepy. As pleasant as the downtown area is in late June, I can’t help having the feeling that I’m Jim Carey in “The Truman Show.” Something’s weird about this place.
The “Bite of [...]
Neck hair, how I love thee! Let me count the ways.
Thou growest faster than the hair on my head,
Becoming bushy in just a few days.
I try to hide thee behind my collar, but instead
Thou shinest through, thick and striking.
If thou continuest thine regular pattern of growth,
I know that I’ll never go bald.
I can grow thee [...]
Here’s the first grammar point up for debate! The last line of the last post (’Blasphemous Rumors’ in the Dealing with Pregnancy Loss category) ends in “…cracking, the fuck, up.” In this sentence, what part of speech is the phrase “the fuck”? Though I haven’t done any research, I would guess that it’s an adverb [...]
Heard a song on the radio yesterday that transported me back in time. I also realized that, as a teenager, I had had no life experiences that allowed me to really relate. I have now.
“…I don’t want to start any blasphemous rumors, but I think that God’s got a sick sense of humor, and when [...]
Because Kevlar© is taken.
Because there aren’t many nicknames for Kevins, and none roll off the tongue quite as well as Kev-lar.
Because that nickname was bestowed upon me by my best female friend in college, and every time I mention her name, Monica seems slightly irked. The fact that I can still elicit jealousy makes [...]
I was riding my folding bike home from prison last Tuesday at dusk. The ride was pretty routine – cool and cloudy Seattle weather, no headwind to speak of, rapidly diminishing light, and those unidentifiable early-summer bugs hovering above the trail as it follows the river.
(aside) Those bugs turn the automatic acts of inhaling [...]
For anyone who stumbles upon this blog while searching for compiled information, research, or academic discourse about, or even kitchy advice for, modern married men, this is what you need to know. I do not claim to epitomize, exemplify or typify married males in the 21st century United States. I am a “modern married man”, [...]